Greetings. I have been deciding for a long time whether to divorce my wife, with whom I have been married for ten years.
In appearance, everything is like everyone else - an ordinary family: work, home, weekends, vacations, trips somewhere. But if at first the wife was a very pretty and attractive woman, then after the birth of the children she completely stopped taking care of herself.
She got fat, she hasn’t worn dresses and shoes for several years, she also forgot about cosmetics, even minimal ones. She says she doesn't need it.
He buys clothes in which others only dig potatoes in the country. She says she is so comfortable. And he walks in it for months, practically without taking it off.
Divorce or not
A couple of times I started a conversation with her. And she seems to understand me. After such conversations, even preens a little. But it only lasts for a couple of days at the most. She is a freelancer. At home, too, there is no particularly hard work.
She has enough time to take care of herself. But she just doesn't want to. And I want. I want a beautiful and attractive, well-groomed woman next to me. And so I think - get a divorce? Or should I still endure it the way it is now?
Family psychologist answer
Hello. The first thing I noticed is that you seem to care about how your family looks in the eyes of other people.
Perhaps you are going somewhere with friends, where the beautiful wives and girlfriends of others come. And here you are, with your own, who forgot about dresses, cosmetics and shoes.
Therefore, the thought appears that your desire is due to some external factors. Requests, norms, requirements of the environment that surrounds you. What is more important - your personal opinion, the comfort of your wife, or discussions behind the backs of the people around you?
The next interesting nuance.
You write that you discussed this problem several times with your wife, who, as a result, changed for several days after such conversations. But how did your conversation go?
If you expressed your claims and demands, and the wife silently went and put on a dress, this is one thing. It is completely different when, during the conversation, the thoughts and reasonings of the wife were heard about this. Her personal opinion. And his obligatory account!
The third nuance - you say that the wife is a freelancer, so she does not get tired very much. Yes, and the house is not particularly tense. Is this just your opinion? I know a lot of freelancers who work harder than people sitting in offices.
And why do you think she doesn't have hard work at home? The same cleaning, cooking, laundry, activities with children - who does all this? Maybe you should spend a couple of days at home and watch carefully? At work and household chores of his wife. To understand how tired she really is.
Well, in the end - you ask for advice, not knowing what to do. Well, you're an adult! Why do you want to shift the responsibility to someone else? So that, in the future, someone can be blamed if the choice you made turns out to be wrong in the end?
The advice in this situation is this: contact a good family psychologist so that each side can hear the opposite. And on the basis of this already make some decisions.
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