القائمة الرئيسية


Gray hair in a beard, demon in a rib: the psychological cause of the phenomenon

 Hello friends! Vorobyova Elena, a practicing psychologist, is in touch.

Folklore sometimes very aptly gives names to some life phenomena. "Gray hair in a beard, demon in a rib" from the same series. And it’s really curious - why are many older men drawn to young women? How does psychology explain this? I tell in the article.

The phenomenon that will be discussed in the article is quite common. You could meet similar, if not in your own life, then on the examples of the environment for sure. Men 40-50 years old suddenly get young mistresses for themselves and often leave the family in which they have lived for more than a dozen years. What kind of demon is this that instills in their ribs? Let's figure it out.

What happens to men at this age?

When a boy is small, he lives with the feeling that his whole life is ahead of him. Death is something that happens to others, and he will live, if not forever, then for a very, very long time. As a child, it seems that an amazing fate awaits you. Do you want to be an astronaut, a military man, an inventor, a great scientist or a superhero - please, everything is in your hands!

Then comes youth with its passions, aspirations and dreams. So much energy, strength, greed for life! I want to try everything and be in time everywhere, realize myself and achieve something. And on the one hand, it seems that he is already smart and mature, and on the other hand, that all the same, his whole life is still ahead.

But when a man approaches the mark of 40 years, he willy-nilly begins to analyze his achievements. He may find with bitterness that part of what he planned has remained in distant dreams. And with some goals you will have to say goodbye forever, because they have moved into the category of “never again”.

The older a man gets, the more he is captured by the experience of a complete lack of prospects. Here, the feeling becomes very clear that life has been lived by half, or even more, and there is not much left ahead. A man grieves over the unfulfilled, missed opportunities and what will never happen. And he also notices wrinkles, gray hair in the mirror, not such an elastic body as before, and understands that youth is irretrievably leaving, and every year there is less and less strength.

Welcome to the midlife crisis! That's how imperceptibly he creeps up and covers with hopelessness, anxiety and longing.

This crisis is deep - it raises questions about meanings, values ​​and priorities, life satisfaction. And, most importantly, it brings a feeling of unbearability from the way it is now. “Our hearts demand change!” And urgently, because everything is not right and wrong! Everything, Carl!

Why is it drawn to young people?

An important change that men 40+ face is the weakening of potency. For them, this is like death, because it is equal to losing yourself as a man. There is a fear that he is old, not as strong as before, and therefore no one needs him. All this greatly affects the perception of men women, their own lives and the world as a whole.

In an attempt to grab youth by the tail, he may begin to destroy his life to the ground in order to start from scratch and in a different way. It is important for him to prove to himself that he is still a man! The easiest way in this sense is to start a relationship on the side, and then completely create a new family.

In addition, communicating with a young lover, a man plunges into her world, interests, and, as it were, becomes younger. And now it is very important for him - not to unclench the hand with which he holds the elusive youth.

Well, another reason why an older man starts a new relationship with a much younger woman is the experience of his own youth. After all, he remembers very well how love elevates, gives meaning to his existence, gives strength to move forward and fills life with joy and happiness. That is, this is such an attempt to escape from one's own crisis and the difficult experiences associated with it. Novelty and vivid emotions allow you to temporarily forget about anxiety, inner emptiness and unresolved personal issues. Too bad it doesn't help for long.

In fairness, it must be said that infidelity in marriage or leaving the family is not always associated with a man's crisis. It happens that just the relationship has exhausted itself and come to its logical conclusion.

What should a man do in such a situation?

- If possible, accept the fact that you are in a crisis and do not make sudden movements.

- You will have to look for a way out of the crisis on your own. No bird of happiness will bring new meanings in its beak.

To do this, it is important to listen to yourself: what unfulfilled desires live inside and are waiting in the wings? Refer to your past - what have you always wanted to do, what to try yourself in?

In the movie "Let's Dance" with Gere and Lopez, this situation is very well illustrated. The story of how a man in adulthood suddenly began to dance - something that he had long wanted in the depths of his soul.

- Think about how you would like to live the rest of your life? What to fill it with? What deeds, emotions? What is important to have time to implement? Feel for new goals, learn something new and sooner or later you will feel that the crisis has passed.

The wives of men in a midlife crisis can only wish strength and patience.

Friends, do you know stories about gray hair in a beard and a demon in a rib? Share in the comments ;-)