القائمة الرئيسية


Psychologist's advice: how to save a family after 10 years of marriage

 Dimitri turned to the other side of his wife and stared up at the ceiling. He was filled with resentment and disappointment. I just wanted to feel sorry for myself, and what was left for him was not to yell at his wife. And can you say everything that he thinks about her? Leave and never talk again?

"Again, quarrels cannot be avoided, although ... don't care! I'll endure a little more and if nothing changes, then I'll file for divorce," he thought.

“Although it’s not clear what to do with the children, what the relatives will say. After all, Alena is a good person, it’s just that everything somehow doesn’t work out for us ...”

However, Dmitry still found a way out of this situation - a massage parlor with a happy ending. Here he was flooded ... I went to visit them several times, there were no worries and difficulties, the women were beautiful and trouble-free.

With his wife, they became like two strangers to each other. But Dmitry did not want to worry about it yet. His wife flew on some endless business trips, he sat at his work while working, and then he was completely off.

This went on for another two years. Dima gradually began to find in his behavior a certain apathy and lack of any energy for later life.

Recently, he simply could not stand his work, and at home an unloving wife was waiting for him, who now and then, that she always sawed her husband and demanded that repairs be made, then look after the children. The only consolation in his life were young masseuses.

Despair and stalemate

When I came to the consultation, I had to listen to his story from the very beginning to the end. While he said the phrase  "The wife is a very good person, but I absolutely do not like her as a woman ," everything became clear. Such a phrase one hundred percent means that the root of all problems is in the family itself.

So what do we have? The wife constantly refuses everything to her husband, does not want to respect and admire him. The husband, in turn, does not consider his wife an attractive, beautiful woman. As a result, they are different people for each other, they live like two strangers.

Why is this happening? Many will say: "We are different people, we do not fit each other, and that's it." But this is a completely false path, since it assumes that relations cannot be restored, nothing can be corrected, and therefore there is no point in even trying.

But this is not true. Disappointment and coldness in each other do not appear out of nothing, this is precisely the consequence of one, rather simple reason. Each partner does not want to fulfill their role while in a relationship.

1. A man does not fulfill his duties.  He does not want to deal with problems or does not want to take care of his family. A very large part avoids daily worries, forgets about the simple requests of his wife, constantly complains, whines about life in the hope that his wife will solve all his problems or simply leave him alone. Or the antipode - on the contrary, will prohibit everything and behave like a tyrant.

2. The woman does not want to fulfill her role. Too cruel, cold towards her husband. She never rejoices at his achievements, does not praise him, even if she liked something.

He likes to remain silent about the problems that have arisen, endures, in the hope that the husband himself will change. A man does not understand what can please her. Or, even worse, when a woman takes everything into her own hands, requires some kind of subordination, occupying a dominant position in the family.

In this case, the man takes the position of "crybaby", and the woman - the position of commander. And where can we find inspiration and admiration for each other?

But, there is a simple solution, thanks to which it is possible to save the family.

1. Stop parties with other women, including one-time ones. Dedicate time exclusively to your spouse. If attention constantly goes to the other side, then you should not expect any emotions from a real relationship.

2. Stop whining, complaining and constantly blame everything on your spouse. You need to make a small list of promises that were made to your wife, but were not fulfilled, and gradually begin to make them.

3. Learn to communicate sincerely with your spouse and listen to her wishes and emotions.  Constantly ask what she likes and what not, ask for praise and share her impressions so that she is open to you.

4. You need to remember your first dateswhen the wife flirted and admired the man, and at the same time he was strong and solved almost any problems, and did not score and whine. You need to return to a state where a man takes the whole process into his own hands, and a woman begins to trust and follow him.

Dmitry listened to such recommendations and took advantage of them in life. Relations with his wife have become more or less good.

There was a conversation between them, after which there were a lot of discoveries and tears. It is not a fact that this couple will succeed, however, they have another chance.