القائمة الرئيسية


These mistakes cost me my marriage. I share the experience that you should not forgive and how to behave in a relationship

 I lived in a legal marriage for 15 years, and last year my husband and I divorced. After analyzing all my mistakes that led to such an end, I want to share them.

I am writing this article not as a psychologist, but as an ordinary woman left with children, a mortgage and a cat. I will be very glad if my worldly experience is useful to someone.

List of mistakes I made in marriage:

Mistake #1

Unconditional love means that you love just like that, without any merit. Such love is possible only between mother and child. You can't love a man like that. A spouse is a social status, a role.

In marriage, everyone has their own responsibilities, it can be compared to a corporation. One department will be responsible for sales, another for marketing, a third for financial matters, a fourth for training, and so on.

Family is something like that. When you are madly in love with a man, in the end it turns out that only you are carrying the entire marriage. Children, work, home - everything is on you. Apart from health, well-being, family atmosphere.

After a couple of years, you realize with horror that your husband is not doing anything to develop his own family, and even more so for you. He goes to work and that's it, and that, at best. At worst, he just lies on the couch and complains about how hard it is for him to live.

Conclusion: when creating a family at an early stage, it is necessary to agree with the husband who is responsible for what in the family, distribute responsibilities among themselves and adhere to agreements.

Mistake #2

Always forgive everything. I saw very well that he did nothing for the family and our comfort, he only sought to improve the well-being of the family, so that the children could rest on the sea, wear comfortable clothes, and fully develop.

I didn't set any goals for myself other than survival. I understood that the family was not moving, the family ship was standing still. I forgave, regretted, hoped for something.

I believed that someday it will end, everything is temporary. He scared me of having a heart attack during my pregnancy. After 15 years, she turned around and saw that  I had not moved, and I myself was not far from a heart attack.

Conclusion:  if you agree on something with your husband, he agrees, but then more and more often he ignores the fulfillment of his promises, make a warning, then the second, but with a condition, for the third time - take drastic measures.

Mistake #3

Sorry. All my life I listened to how hard it was for him. The economy and politics are not the same, everything is expensive, there are no opportunities ... I listened, regretted how difficult it is to earn and live.

Conclusion: if a man constantly complains about life, then this signal can be considered alarming. If this person is constantly "everything is bad", then this means that the person is still immature. It is dominated by the inner child.

In no case should you feel sorry for an adult, healthy man. It is necessary to draw conclusions about who is still in front of you. Of course, all people have such periods when support is simply necessary, because everyone is faced with internal and external crises.

A person then needs not pity, but support and faith that he can still cope. It is important to understand here: a situational complaint or a way of thinking.

Mistake #4

Fear. For many years I was afraid that he would not survive. I was afraid to live without him. But he added fuel to the fire - he strengthened this fear in me more and more. From this, things stood still, there was no development.

I went to courses, tried to earn a penny. But there was no return, but there was only a feeling that I was on a chain. After the divorce, I felt that the chain was removed, there was no emotional pressure, and this, perhaps, is the most difficult thing - to lift myself from my knees, to regain faith, strength.

Conclusion:  you need to believe, first of all, in yourself, develop. Create a family after you become a mature, independent person.

Mistake #5

Always be last. Perhaps the most beloved women's work. First family, children, husband, cat, and then me. The most expensive clothes and shoes are for my husband, and for myself - a torn robe, but what, no one sees me anyway!

Conclusion:  you need to put yourself first everywhere and always, when distributing money and in other similar situations.

I am the only resource , you need to take care of yourself, pay attention to health, emotional comfort, harmonious development, satisfaction, beauty. Then already - husband and children.